This is a dynamic world we live in and we, as individuals and as a collective, must grow and evolve with it, if we hope to enjoy a sustained harmonious existence in it. As a species our consciousness has grown exponentially in the last century to create this modern, informed, technological, industrious, productive, spiritually connected, outcomes based, socially aware society. Change. It is the scariest thing for us mere mortals because when it comes down to brass tacks, every individual on this planet has something they're afraid of. From changing your dentist to changing your attitude, our perspective on 'the change', direct the actions we take, toward the result. As unique individuals and as a collective, we use history, our memories of it and the legacy it left, to pilot us forward. From global issues to choosing a new cell phone, the choices we make and the actions we take, define who we are and what becomes, as a result. Tolerance and Moderation is practiced and preached to facilitate personal growth and a peaceful symbiotic co-existence with our environment. Despite all the evidence we're constantly bombarded  with, as there really are no shortcuts or hiding from the truth, we still feel the need slow down before we stop 'the thing we do', needed to revolutionise our lives and this world we're a part of. 

Changing your diet is easier than changing your nationality but each one completely possible when you decide that change is necessary. Our environment is constantly changing due to the choices other individuals and collectives make and therefore has a direct or indirect, impact on circumstance and our immediate situation. Miracles and natural disasters happen constantly to change the situation in the wink of an eye just as quickly as perspective can change your mind and actions. So when you view yourself as the creator of your own reality, universally connected to all other living things and the beginning of the change you want to see in the world, things happen  to make you wonder when the others will accept and forgive that you cannot change the colour of your skin as easily as you could, the way you treat other people.

Empowerment of the previously disadvantaged and striving toward creating equality & balance on all levels for all the people of South Africa is a cornerstone of Nelson Mandela's legacy to the people of Southern Africa. His advise of love, forgiveness and respect for one's fellow being and always acting in the spirit of inclusion, no matter what, has been adopted globally to create a worldwide movement to 'change'. Pivotal in the decision and commitment to 'change' Americans showed in electing Obama as the first black president of a first world country, not just their "commander and chief"! As a victim and product of apartheid, as a woman, as a previously disadvantaged South African just on the outside of benefiting from direct changes affected through Nelson Mandela's philosophies and beliefs, I still yearn for justice. We hosted the FIFA soccer world cup, successfully portraying a "rainbow nation" of diversity, unified to achieving one goal efficiently and effectively. Every race, creed and nationality was welcomed and embraced by all South Africans to create global conception that we value  and live the ideology of "The Father of the Nation", Mr Nelson Mandela. So, when I am faced with the same prejudice 20 years later as I did at the start of my career and our journey as a nation of mixed cultures and varied origin, I must yearn for justice. When will things change if we don't first yearn for it to come?

I am an 'exotic dancer', stripper, lap dancer or whatever you want to call it. The fact is, I take my clothes off for money and I'm brilliant at it. I've been dancing for almost 20years and have had a few breaks in between because of injury, boyfriend, overload and attempting life change. Normally when I quit, I go study something to keep my mind busy and to give me the idea that I can use it to initiate a career in a different field. However, secretarial, front of house hotel management, computer programming and Bcomm Marketing & Bus Man studies could not prevent me from going back to dancing. Anyway, usually after, I'm so broke from being a student for too long, I HAVE to go back to dancing because it is and always has been my cash cow and my first love. I've never had a normal job with a salary and perks. I have however, danced all over South Africa including Namibia, Mozambique and Swaziland as well as London, Germany and New Zealand.  I started exotic cabaret dancing because I had done 10years ballet and modern jazz as well as 5years of speech and drama at high school as a matric subject. Essentially, one can say that my early education and formative years included a training for the stage. I was a straight A student, a complete nerd  with 4 eyes and a social pariah with a dysfunctional childhood in the apartheid days. I did not want to be a teacher, nurse or a policewoman and no bursaries for my interests where available to me. After I matriculated I started doing exotic cabaret shows. Those days anything more than 'nipple caps and g-strings' could have you arrested for public indecency and you HAD to have formal dance training to accomplish entertaining an audience whilst onstage for 30mins with a chair as the standard prop and definitely no poles. I did not believe myself to be beautiful or sexy so my confidence on stage stemmed purely from my athletic abilities as a trained dancer and performer with my very low self esteem not featuring at all, whilst onstage anyway! My first ballet class hooked me on dancing because it was the only time in my life that I felt completely at peace. Naturally, I always sought to dance because then, I could escape my head and have peace. My first show was the best adrenalin rush I had ever had so I became a junkie! In retrospect, it saved my life in terms of the toll a career in this industry takes on the girls who do it. While most needed to have at least 3 tequilas and or whatever narcotics, I just needed the opportunity to dance. That was my biggest problem and source of personal pain because it was a very 'white world' with almost no room for coloured girls who wanted to or could dance. But I persevered and maintained and grew an exceptional standard of show, even went overseas and eventually conquered that problem in Cape Town to become a successful, professional and respected dancer. I had had only 1 boyfriend from high-school and we had a tumultuous relationship for 8 years but finally my better judgement replaced my loyalty and I left him for the last time and never went back again.  My wanderlust and thrill seeking nature grew bored and I moved to JHB where I was instantly hated and consequently victimized by my new even 'whiter' fraternity. Shows evolved into table dancing and later lap dancing, which took the dancers off stage and put them into the lions den. Although I remained one of the only coloured girls on stage and made good money, the general abuse I suffered from all the disapproving racist customers and seriously threatened white dancers, took its toll on my non-existent self-esteem and over time, I periodically reverted back to consoling myself with the use and abuse of every drug on the on the market.  Always after work because I still did not need stimulants to do my job or enhance the enjoyment of it.

When my 30th birthday came  around I decided to change my life because the one I was living did not make me happy. I consciously worked on creating a completely different perspective on every routine I had previously. I stopped working to facilitate the end of taking chemical narcotics and I started my Bcomm studies and a balanced and healthy lifestyle. In second year I started dancing again part-time for my own independence and  my French boyfriend,  a young aeronautical engineer, would drive me around to my shows. He was constantly fascinated and intrigued with the strip-clubs in and around Hillbrow, Johannesburg, simply because the unexpected diversity of the patrons interested him. It was a sad day for me when I saw him cry in a strip-club in the heart of Johannesburg's city centre because they cancelled my show after I was dressed and ready to go on stage and preferred to pay 50% cancellation fee, than see my black ass on their stage. He was beside himself with indignation, frustration and angrily gave the person in charge an earful about my abilities, the general standard of normal shows and how ridiculous practice of prejudice in this time and space was. I was forced to stop him from creating a further scene and creating more problems for me with the booking agency  monopolising the quotient of shows in Johannesburg for twenty years already. The pain of injustice I saw in his face reminded me of the passion I had for 'the cause' my early days on high school where we created chaos and mayhem, with riots, boycotts and mass rallies and incited the Western Cape into a "state of emergency" and 'the struggle' became an international one.

Human beings have an incredible ability to survive through unbelievable hardships with perseverance and tenacity. I shook it off and went on to travel a lot more and even buy 2 houses with dancing while running my life like a business complete with personal assistant, bookkeeper and accountant. I succumbed to my mother's pressure and put my education to good use by starting a 'normal' business, joining the ranks of 'the day-walkers' with continued discipline and single-minded focus. The only success it brought was the knowledge that I was living someone else's dream life and the pursuit of validation had all but obliterated my own desires and passion for life. Needless to say when I made peace with the reality of it and figuring out what I did want, I started dancing again to supplement my income while I develop and launch my vision. Once again boredom and itchy feet brought me to JHB. I did not want to get stuck in a club working 5 and 6 days a week for 8 - 15hrs a day, a slave to the exorbitant levies and fines, because that's the input required to show a profit when you work in a top-class lap dance strip-club, here in South Africa. Naturally I contacted the agency to offer my services and availability as a show girl for clubs in and around the greater Johannesburg metropolis. The time and freedom to pursuit my interests while earning a living, the motivation for exposing myself to the discrimination that would invariably accompany it. My previous success in the club arena gave me hope that things would have changed after 15 years into democracy and a place in history as "the rainbow nation" fathered by the iconic Nelson Mandela.

Imagine my shock, horror, indignation and surprise when I was pleasantly informed that there are only 3 venues I could be booked at without causing great embarrassment to myself and the agency that would definitely ensue booking a woman of colour to dance at any of all the other venues in Gauteng. A manager of one of the 3 venues is also a personal friend of mine and did offer me a daily slot to dance as the venue was in desperate need of fresh blood and classic 'old school' entertainers and voiced his despair with the standard he received from the agency. I however preferred to enlist with the agency as it could provide the variety I need to hold my interest and keep my blood "fresh", so to speak. Speechless from my conversation with the agent, I wrote her an e-mail highlighting the views of my friend, in defence of my cause. To add insult to injury, she used this information against my friend in a tirade with the owner that dropped my ally into the deep end and effectively further alienated me! He was beside himself when we talked later in the day but assured me the damage to him was not permanent and that although chastised, would keep his job. I apologised for the trouble I had inadvertently caused him when he only tried to help me. He expressed his disbelief at the status quo when I explained the motivation behind the e-mail. He reminded me of the almost exclusively white patronage and I referred his attention to the change in attitude of the Cape Town market despite it's whiteness and questioned the apparent lack of fantasies about exotic women displayed by the men in Johannesburg. We had a good laugh about the obvious double standards and hypocrisy displayed by them. He also remarked that although the agent was totally pissed off by his comments, it did result in them receiving 3 completely different dancers on that day and we agreed that sometimes telling the truth was not such a bad thing after all!

That said and done, it still leaves me with the problem of finding work without it stealing all my free time and energy, bringing only frustration to finally drive me back into full-time employ as a lap dancer. It only serves to confirm the need for 'change' in this industry and the creation of a successful exit strategy for the girls in it. The growing black middle class has not stimulated 'change' either as my black brothers only perpetuate the culture set by their white counterparts when they also happily pay a white girl for a dance but insist on more than just a dance, from a sister. This leads me to question the lack of governmental support and protection when they so easily decriminalised striptease artistry and allowed a whole new world of exploitation to flourish.

Strip-club owners grow richer and become infamous media characters while the levies and fines the girls pay to work in their clubs grow more ludicrous thereby forcing them into acts of prostitution to pay them because the definition of striptease artistry is neither enforced nor policed offering no 'safety in the work place' and no recourse for the disenfranchised. The truth is, there's no dancer alive who would engage in any sex act for money in the workplace if the practice of prostitution were strictly policed and she were protected from owing the club thousands of Rands before making any herself. When the playing fields are levelled only the best at their craft will survive and prosper while the rest rethink the wisdom of calling themselves dancers or even starting a career in the industry.

You see folks, even though I am promised a better life, with my basic human rights guaranteed by the constitution of South Africa, I remain a victim of injustice and it all leaves me wondering when things will change.