When will things change?
This is a
dynamic world we live in and we, as individuals and as a collective, must grow and
evolve with it, if we hope to enjoy a sustained harmonious existence in it. As
a species our consciousness has grown exponentially in the last century to
create this modern, informed, technological, industrious, productive,
spiritually connected, outcomes based, socially aware society. Change. It is
the scariest thing for us mere mortals because when it comes down to brass
tacks, every individual on this planet has something they're afraid of. From
changing your dentist to changing your attitude, our perspective on 'the
change', direct the actions we take, toward the result. As unique individuals
and as a collective, we use history, our memories of it and the legacy it left,
to pilot us forward. From global issues to choosing a new cell phone, the
choices we make and the actions we take, define who we are and what becomes, as
a result. Tolerance and Moderation is practiced and preached to facilitate
personal growth and a peaceful symbiotic co-existence with our environment.
Despite all the evidence we're constantly bombarded with, as there really are no shortcuts or
hiding from the truth, we still feel the need slow down before we stop 'the
thing we do', needed to revolutionise our lives and this world we're a part
of. Changing
your diet is easier than changing your nationality but each one completely
possible when you decide that change is necessary. Our environment is
constantly changing due to the choices other individuals and collectives make
and therefore has a direct or indirect, impact on circumstance and our
immediate situation. Miracles and natural disasters happen constantly to change
the situation in the wink of an eye just as quickly as perspective can change
your mind and actions. So when you view yourself as the creator of your own
reality, universally connected to all other living things and the beginning of
the change you want to see in the world, things happen to make you wonder when the others will
accept and forgive that you cannot change the colour of your skin as easily as
you could, the way you treat other people. Empowerment
of the previously disadvantaged and striving toward creating equality &
balance on all levels for all the people of South Africa is a cornerstone of
Nelson Mandela's legacy to the people of Southern Africa. His advise of love,
forgiveness and respect for one's fellow being and always acting in the spirit
of inclusion, no matter what, has been adopted globally to create a worldwide
movement to 'change'. Pivotal in the decision and commitment to 'change'
Americans showed in electing Obama as the first black president of a first
world country, not just their "commander
and chief"! As a victim and product of apartheid, as a woman, as a
previously disadvantaged South African just on the outside of benefiting from
direct changes affected through Nelson Mandela's philosophies and beliefs, I
still yearn for justice. We hosted the FIFA soccer world cup, successfully
portraying a "rainbow nation" of diversity, unified to achieving one
goal efficiently and effectively. Every race, creed and nationality was
welcomed and embraced by all South Africans to create global conception that we
value and live the ideology of "The
Father of the Nation", Mr Nelson Mandela. So, when I am faced with the
same prejudice 20 years later as I did at the start of my career and our
journey as a nation of mixed cultures and varied origin, I must yearn for justice. When will things
change if we don't first yearn for it to come? I am an
'exotic dancer', stripper, lap dancer or whatever you want to call it. The fact
is, I take my clothes off for money and I'm brilliant at it. I've been dancing
for almost 20years and have had a few breaks in between because of injury,
boyfriend, overload and attempting life change. Normally when I quit, I go
study something to keep my mind busy and to give me the idea that I can use it
to initiate a career in a different field. However, secretarial, front of house
hotel management, computer programming and Bcomm Marketing & Bus Man
studies could not prevent me from going back to dancing. Anyway, usually after,
I'm so broke from being a student for too long, I HAVE to go back to dancing
because it is and always has been my cash cow and my first love. I've never had
a normal job with a salary and perks. I have however, danced all over South
Africa including Namibia, Mozambique and Swaziland as well as London, Germany
and New Zealand. I started exotic cabaret
dancing because I had done 10years ballet and modern jazz as well as 5years of
speech and drama at high school as a matric subject. Essentially, one can say
that my early education and formative years included a training for the stage.
I was a straight A student, a complete nerd
with 4 eyes and a social pariah with a dysfunctional childhood in the
apartheid days. I did not want to be a teacher, nurse or a policewoman and no
bursaries for my interests where available to me. After I matriculated I
started doing exotic cabaret shows. Those days anything more than 'nipple caps
and g-strings' could have you arrested for public indecency and you HAD to have
formal dance training to accomplish entertaining an audience whilst onstage for
30mins with a chair as the standard prop and definitely no poles. I did not
believe myself to be beautiful or sexy so my confidence on stage stemmed purely
from my athletic abilities as a trained dancer and performer with my very low
self esteem not featuring at all, whilst onstage anyway! My first ballet class
hooked me on dancing because it was the only time in my life that I felt
completely at peace. Naturally, I always sought to dance because then, I could
escape my head and have peace. My first show was the best adrenalin rush I had
ever had so I became a junkie! In retrospect, it saved my life in terms of the
toll a career in this industry takes on the girls who do it. While most needed
to have at least 3 tequilas and or whatever narcotics, I just needed the
opportunity to dance. That was my biggest problem and source of personal pain
because it was a very 'white world' with almost no room for coloured girls who
wanted to or could dance. But I persevered and maintained and grew an
exceptional standard of show, even went overseas and eventually conquered that
problem in Cape Town to become a successful, professional and respected dancer.
I had had only 1 boyfriend from high-school and we had a tumultuous
relationship for 8 years but finally my better judgement replaced my loyalty
and I left him for the last time and never went back again. My wanderlust and thrill seeking nature grew
bored and I moved to JHB where I was instantly hated and consequently
victimized by my new even 'whiter' fraternity. Shows evolved into table dancing
and later lap dancing, which took the dancers off stage and put them into the
lions den. Although I remained one of the only coloured girls on stage and made
good money, the general abuse I suffered from all the disapproving racist
customers and seriously threatened white dancers, took its toll on my
non-existent self-esteem and over time, I periodically reverted back to
consoling myself with the use and abuse of every drug on the on the
market. Always after work because I
still did not need stimulants to do my job or enhance the enjoyment of it. When my 30th
birthday came around I decided to change
my life because the one I was living did not make me happy. I consciously
worked on creating a completely different perspective on every routine I had
previously. I stopped working to facilitate the end of taking chemical
narcotics and I started my Bcomm studies and a balanced and healthy lifestyle.
In second year I started dancing again part-time for my own independence
and my French boyfriend, a young aeronautical engineer, would drive me
around to my shows. He was constantly fascinated and intrigued with the
strip-clubs in and around Hillbrow, Johannesburg, simply because the unexpected
diversity of the patrons interested him. It was a sad day for me when I saw him
cry in a strip-club in the heart of Johannesburg's city centre because they
cancelled my show after I was dressed and ready to go on stage and preferred to pay 50% cancellation fee, than
see my black ass on their stage. He was beside himself with indignation,
frustration and angrily gave the person in charge an earful about my abilities,
the general standard of normal shows and how ridiculous practice of prejudice
in this time and space was. I was forced to stop him from creating a further
scene and creating more problems for me with the booking agency monopolising the quotient of shows in
Johannesburg for twenty years already. The pain of injustice I saw in his face
reminded me of the passion I had for 'the cause' my early days on high school
where we created chaos and mayhem, with riots, boycotts and mass rallies and
incited the Western Cape into a "state of emergency" and 'the
struggle' became an international one. Human beings
have an incredible ability to survive through unbelievable hardships with
perseverance and tenacity. I shook it off and went on to travel a lot more and
even buy 2 houses with dancing while running my life like a business complete
with personal assistant, bookkeeper and accountant. I succumbed to my mother's
pressure and put my education to good use by starting a 'normal' business,
joining the ranks of 'the day-walkers' with continued discipline and
single-minded focus. The only success it brought was the knowledge that I was
living someone else's dream life and the pursuit of validation had all but
obliterated my own desires and passion for life. Needless to say when I made
peace with the reality of it and figuring out what I did want, I started dancing again to supplement my income while
I develop and launch my vision. Once again boredom and itchy feet brought me to
JHB. I did not want to get stuck in a club working 5 and 6 days a week for 8 -
15hrs a day, a slave to the exorbitant levies and fines, because that's the
input required to show a profit when you work in a top-class lap dance
strip-club, here in South Africa. Naturally I contacted the agency to offer my
services and availability as a show girl for clubs in and around the greater
Johannesburg metropolis. The time and freedom to pursuit my interests while
earning a living, the motivation for exposing myself to the discrimination that
would invariably accompany it. My previous success in the club arena gave me
hope that things would have changed after 15 years into democracy and a place
in history as "the rainbow nation" fathered by the iconic Nelson
Mandela. Imagine my
shock, horror, indignation and surprise when I was pleasantly informed that
there are only 3 venues I could be booked at without causing great
embarrassment to myself and the agency that would definitely ensue booking a
woman of colour to dance at any of all the other venues in Gauteng. A manager
of one of the 3 venues is also a personal friend of mine and did offer me a
daily slot to dance as the venue was in desperate need of fresh blood and
classic 'old school' entertainers and voiced his despair with the standard he
received from the agency. I however preferred to enlist with the agency as it
could provide the variety I need to hold my interest and keep my blood
"fresh", so to speak. Speechless from my conversation with the agent,
I wrote her an e-mail highlighting the views of my friend, in defence of my
cause. To add insult to injury, she used this information against my friend in
a tirade with the owner that dropped my ally into the deep end and effectively
further alienated me! He was beside himself when we talked later in the day but
assured me the damage to him was not permanent and that although chastised,
would keep his job. I apologised for the trouble I had inadvertently caused him
when he only tried to help me. He expressed his disbelief at the status quo
when I explained the motivation behind the e-mail. He reminded me of the almost
exclusively white patronage and I referred his attention to the change in
attitude of the Cape Town market despite it's whiteness and questioned the
apparent lack of fantasies about exotic women displayed by the men in
Johannesburg. We had a good laugh about the obvious double standards and
hypocrisy displayed by them. He also remarked that although the agent was
totally pissed off by his comments, it did result in them receiving 3
completely different dancers on that day and we agreed that sometimes telling
the truth was not such a bad thing after all! That said
and done, it still leaves me with the problem of finding work without it
stealing all my free time and energy, bringing only frustration to finally
drive me back into full-time employ as a lap dancer. It only serves to confirm
the need for 'change' in this industry and the creation of a successful exit
strategy for the girls in it. The growing black middle class has not stimulated
'change' either as my black brothers only perpetuate the culture set by their
white counterparts when they also happily pay a white girl for a dance but
insist on more than just a dance, from a sister. This leads me to question the
lack of governmental support and protection when they so easily decriminalised
striptease artistry and allowed a whole new world of exploitation to flourish. Strip-club
owners grow richer and become infamous media characters while the levies and
fines the girls pay to work in their clubs grow more ludicrous thereby forcing
them into acts of prostitution to pay them because the definition of striptease
artistry is neither enforced nor policed offering no 'safety in the work place'
and no recourse for the disenfranchised. The truth is, there's no dancer alive
who would engage in any sex act for money in the workplace if the practice of
prostitution were strictly policed and she were protected from owing the club
thousands of Rands before making any
herself. When the playing fields are levelled only the best at their craft will
survive and prosper while the rest rethink the wisdom of calling themselves
dancers or even starting a career in the industry. You see
folks, even though I am promised a better life, with my basic human rights
guaranteed by the constitution of South Africa, I remain a victim of injustice
and it all leaves me wondering when things will change.
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