I met this guy online a few days ago the on the DatingBuzz.co.za website. I filled in all the forms for free subscription basically to test drive the impact of the pictures I wanted to use on the website and check response rates and maybe get an idea of how much traffic being linked to a dating website could generate since 'men on the prowl' is kind of a stripper niche market. Since my interest was purely academic, I am, for the most part, completely immune to the advances of the suitors, except for the occasional guy that just cracks me up with his input!..... But having said that, I admit that since this was a local site the possibility of actually meeting someone became a reality.

 

I've been alone so long I can't even remember what being in love feels like. Just as having a boyfriend and what being in a relationship entails! Aside from sex on the regular, there's not much I missed. Attention and constant validation and affirmation of my femininity happens as a matter of course when you're in the industry and honestly, you know their interest is very shallow, so none get a second thought when the music stops and its time to go home or partying if there's somewhere still open and you have the energy. I invest all my sexual energy and sensuality into my job and it makes having no 'man in your life' a non-issue. Plus I don't do one night stands and AIDS and every other STD out there made me treasure my nookie. Besides after you've already taken their money what good would having sex with them after the fact, do? My mother was a nurse in the family planning department in community health care so she put the fear of God in me about having casual sex and nightmares of a slow and painful death, just for good measure. There is a big difference between taking your clothes of for money and exchanging sex for cash. To some, we're even worse than hookers because we get naked in public and my colleagues, the prostitutes, also win the sympathy vote. I don't judge as I don't have to live with anyone else's conscience but my own. I have no moral dilemma with my chosen profession, its everyone else especially my mother, who can't bear the shame of it!...... So consequently I prefer to give the dating drama a miss and substitute sex with my daily endorphins and adrenalin rush that comes as a bonus in the course of doing my job well!

 

Now things are a little different because I've been focusing my energy on creating a completely different source of income because I need to include my intellect into my daily life and feed my social conscience by giving meaning and adding value to 'the sum of my experience'. Then out of the blue, this guy's face pops up with eligibility stats off the charts and something about him made me sit up and take notice even though he sent a one line e-mail. I took a look at his profile the next day when I got another simple e-mail from him. I basically checked what made the scores not perfect 100% and he didn't seem to have hang ups and listed shopping in one of his favourite past times and that was rare enough to intrigue me after only 2 sentences. Then I used my free subscription access to a one-liner that said that I was not a subscriber. Conveniently, they have a gifting service and a one-liner that confirms your interest and desire for a gift subscription. He obliged quickly and effortlessly I had access to all the sites features for the next 3 days. Everything about our exchange seems to fit just right. He doesn't say much but everything he does say, speaks to the heart of me and what I want from the perfect mate. All the catch phrases that are atypical of the normal blah blah guys say and girls want to hear. Its like my mother wrote his script so I would raise an eye-brow and take notice of this one. She's not involved, of this much I'm certain. Not officially anyway because I know she prays daily that I'll change my life and have a fairy tale miracle of meeting my prince falling head over heels, have a fairy tale wedding and a classic happily ever-after story book life. I'm her only daughter and the only woman my age she knows who has never been married or had any children. That's probably why I always did different things and wanted a different life to everyone around me.

 

I guess one can say that I got exactly what I wanted but truthfully when it comes to matters of the heart, there is no 'place of peace' when you're a stripper. Here in South Africa, affluent respectable pillar's of the community, rarely marry the stripper they decide to date. When I went back to his profile today to take a closer look at him, I saw the other pictures he had loaded and discovered that this boy is seriously loaded and he's got one hot looking body! Now the dilemma I'm faced with is compounded by the status quo and what I want from a relationship, especially because he is marriage material and my physiological instinct to procreate is not a whisper anymore!  I have to tell him where he stands and who he is dealing with because if I don't he will always wonder if he didn't get played. I definitely run the risk of chasing him to the hills or just wanting the status of getting laid by a stripper. I on the other hand know that I have an irresistible magnet, addictive, sexual energy that makes men completely irrational and has them making totally ridiculous choices solely based on what the brain inside their penis thinks. If I leave the great confession until after we've met and consummated our relationship, then I run the risk of never knowing what he would have chosen to do had he been in his rational frame of mind, making intelligent choices and wise decisions. The question begs, if this is the real deal, do I really want to start it off with half truths, suspicions and fears created by a career as an 'exotic dancer'? In all fairness to him, the course of action he would have chosen, had he known all the facts before courting this fantasy babe he met on the internet?

 

When all is said and done, there really is no easy road to take, as with all emotional and moral issues. I will, of course, do the right thing and tell him who and what I am and how that will affect him in the long run so he is aware before he makes decisions based on ignorance of the subject. Invariably, his family, friends and peers will react differently to his expectations and this will affect how he deals with it, no matter what our personal connection is. In the end, the fact that I am a strong, honest, loyal, kind, intelligent, well spoken, well travelled, well mannered, hard working and all round good person, will matter not a fig.

 

That folks, is the reality of living a life outside of acceptable social norms in an unforgiving world.